When I was a kid, it seemed like anytime a student said they “hated” something at school, a teacher would inevitably tsk tsk and say, “Now, now, hate is a strong word!” and admonish us to think hard about the word “hate” before we used it.
So I thought really hard about it.
I hate these books.
Probably not necessary but still kind of necessary disclaimer:
Remember, I hate these books, not the people who like these books. Everyone is different and that’s awesome. That’s what makes the world such a beautiful place. If you love the books I hate or hate the books I love, that’s totally okay. We can all still get along and sit around the campfire and sing Kumbaya tell scary stories like The Midnight Society.
Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way…
Let’s do this.
The Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer
Me and everyone else, amiright?
No, I’m just kidding, I know a lot of people actually really like these books.
I mean, obviously. Look at how successful they’ve been.
But still, this is kind of an obvious place for me to start. A lot of people seem to hate or dislike or just generally look down upon the Twilight books, and if you’re reading this and you actually know me in person, you already know I have a firey, burning hatred for these books that threatens to consume me alive.
First of all, I’m just going to say it, the quality of writing in these books is just…no. Nope. No. I’m sorry. It’s just not doing it for me, and that is an understatement.
And then we have Bella. Despite the fact that Bella seems to have about as much personality as a Cheez-It, apparently two guys are just falling all over themselves ready to risk their lives and the lives of their loved ones just to get with this girl. She’s totally non-descript and might as well be a Ziploc bag of mashed potatoes flailing around the school and these two (supposedly super hot) guys—who just HAPPEN to also be supernatural beings—are pretty much prepared to crawl through a field of broken glass just to listen to her fart through a walkie-talkie. I mean, what? I just don’t get it.
And then there’s the romanticizing of all of Edward’s EXTREMELY. CREEPY. BEHAVIOR. He sits by her bed and watches her sleep, and that’s supposed to be…cute? Nice? Romantic? He’s thousands of years old and of all the people he knows or has known in his life, homeboy’s just got to go after a teenager. They’re both unhealthily dependent on each other, which to be fair, isn’t just Edward, it’s Bella, too—remember when he went away and she totally fell apart and basically stopped being able to function? Yeah. I can’t even.
I’m not going to keep listing reasons why I hate Twilight, because I’m sure y’all have other things to do today, so I’ll just go with one more:
This series takes a totally badass, ruthless, bloody, awesome supernatural creature that I usually love….
And makes them sparkle in the sunlight.
The 50 Shades of Grey series by E.L. James
*WARNING: some sexual matters will be discussed here (obvi)*
I know, I’m just throwing them right down the middle today, right?
But seriously, I hate this series. There are a lot of reasons to hate this series, ranging from poor character development to totally unbelievable plot points (Ana doesn’t own a computer? She doesn’t have email?) to the tampon scene, but I’m actually only going to talk about two of them today.
- I hate this book because people started acting like it invented BDSM. Let’s get one thing straight here guys and gals: 50 Shades of Grey did NOT invent BDSM. BDSM has been around for a long time. BDSM erotica has been around for a long time. Even BDSM movies have been around for a long time. Just because you’ve never heard of it, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. So the fact that people started acting like it only began existing once it went mainstream with a series of books and movies that made it big drives me banana sandwich. And on the flip side of that same point, BDSM didn’t start being okay or acceptable once 50 Shades came out. It was always okay, as long as you’re doing it safely and with a consenting partner. Which brings me to point number two:
- This is not an accurate representation of a healthy BDSM relationship. Yes, BDSM is a thing. Yes, people are into this. But they are consenting adults who do not treat each other like shit and who don’t do it because of some sort of deep set emotional damage that they refuse to address or something. And don’t try to tell me, “oh, that’s the appeal of it, that’s what Ana likes blah blah blah” because no. Again, you can have these sorts of relationships with consent and with care for one another, which is present far too infrequently in these books. I just really hope that people don’t look to this book as an example of how they should approach BDSM or what their relationships should be like, because it may have been the book that introduced people to it, but that doesn’t mean it should function as any sort of guide.
Thus concludes this portion of the rant.
Before I Fall by Lauren Oliver
This one is a little less straight down the middle, because I seem to be in the tiny, tiny, tiny minority of people who actually despise this book. Most people seem to love it, but I just can’t. I cannot stand the character of Samantha Kingston, she’s completely one note, and in my opinion, she has absolutely no redeeming qualities. I actually could not finish this book because I could not stand one more second of listening to the narrator tell us about how popular she is and how much everyone worships her and I couldn’t stand to listen to her mocking mentally disabled students and bullying young women and then declaring they deserve it. I couldn’t. I really felt like I was going to throw up in my mouth.
And I know the argument here is that the main character goes through suuuch an amazing transformation and learns so much and becomes a better person right before death and all that jazz, but the issue is that I hated her so much, I couldn’t make myself care about her transformation.
That’s all I’ll say here but I did do a DNF review of this book which you can read here if you really want to steep yourself in hatred today.
Awake by Natasha Preston
Is this one popular? I feel like this one is kind of popular. Maybe not as popular as Twilight, but still somewhat popular.
One thing is for sure, though: I hate this book. I hate it so much.
The main character of this book, Scarlett, pretty much defines her life by the fact that she can’t remember anything from before she was four years old—I mean seriously that’s like the main plot point of the book. She thinks something mysterious and shadow-y must have happened in her past because she can’t remember anything from before she was four, and I’m like…yeah, no shit. Neither can I. You were an infant. Of course you can’t remember anything. That doesn’t mean your parents are super secret ex-spy criminals or something. It just means you were a baby and a small toddler with a brain that wasn’t even fully developed yet.
And not only can this girl not remember anything from before she was four, she thinks this is so interesting that when she meets the LOVE OF HER LIFE (HI INSTALOVE ALERT), Noah, he asks her to tell him about herself, and that’s what she opens with. Apparently, when this girl first meets people she thinks the most significant thing they need to know about her is that…she can’t remember being a baby.
Yeah, there’s more. It’s not just that part of the premise that’s ridiculous. There’s also ridiculous instalove, ridiculously cliché cult stuff going on, absolutely no character development for anyone—especially Scarlett—lots of ridiculous decisions being made (running off to an island with some guy you just met and barely know because you think he’s cute? SURE WHY NOT), and the most uneventful relationship ever between Scarlett and Noah. These two spend the entire book doing nothing but going to school and then watching movies together, and yet somehow they’re completely in love and positive they’re the ones for each other.
Even after Noah tries to give Scarlett up to a cult so they can sacrifice her.
Alive by Scott Sigler
Okay, I might not hate this one, but I really, really disliked it. Really.
Spoilers ahead if you haven’t read this.
What really pissed me off about this book was that it was so intentionally misleading. I like twists in books. I like things that catch me off guard. I like books that keep me on my toes. Those are all good things! But what I do not like is books that purposely mislead the reader so that later on down the road we will be surprised. If the plot twists can’t be organic or make sense, then just don’t include them. But this book spends the entire time talking about waking up in coffins and looking at the jewels and then they’re like SURPRISE, WE’RE ON A SPACESHIP.
I actually call this the surprise spaceship book every time I talk about it.
I also thought it was a little weird how the teenagers in this book all woke up and were like oh, wow, look we have such sexy bodies.
I don’t know maybe that was just me???
So, that about wraps it up for popular books that I actually hate.
What about everyone else? What popular books do you hate? Do you hate any of the same books I do? Let me know in the comments! You know I’d love to talk. <3